I threw my phone across the bed. This was the last straw. I was done fighting with him. Every relationship I had been in, cheating was present. Was I not enough? Could my breasts be bigger? I needed to lose a little bit more weight so I could be perfect for him. That had to be it. Maybe it was my behind. That could be the problem. The other girls…
They looked “perfect”. However, he told me that I was perfect. Was I really perfect enough to not be cheated on? However, I wasn’t being “cheated on”. I was simply “assuming” based upon comments on social media that I would see on the screen. It was more than the comments to the other women. From the conversations to the text messages, confirmation after confirmation came. His eyes. I had already been cheated on before. I wasn’t trying to make it another failed relationship. He wanted me to be his woman but he didn’t want to be “off the market” completely. He wanted my loyalty but wanted to be a free man. I was supposed to put my life on pause and “wait for him”. What exactly was I waiting for? Can you put a timer on when someone will grow up?
But I did. Months went by. We broke up and then got back together. I thought at times that it was my fault.
You can’t force someone to complete you.
You also can’t wait until they become ready for you because you can’t force the will of a human being. You know what I’ve learned through my failed relationships?
I can’t force a man to become who he is destined to be. The same goes for a man desiring their woman to be ready for them. I was ready for a relationship. However, it was more than just a relationship. I was ready for purpose. I didn’t just want a relationship. I wanted a relationship with the end destination of marriage.
Of course, I never prayed about the relationship. I could have saved myself from so many relationships if I would have just prayed. However, I didn’t think I needed God when it came to my dating life. Besides, I was smart enough to pick a mate for the REST of my life. I didn’t need an all-powerful and all-seeing God to pick my partner of purpose. Even though I don’t know my future, I thought I was a better candidate than God who knows what my entire life looks like.
I was pretty foolish. I learned my lesson BIG time. I was dating a man who was not ready to do purpose with me.
He wouldn’t admit that he wasn’t because he didn’t want me to go. See not admitting the truth is NOT love. What I also learned was that it didn’t make him a horrible person. It just made him the wrong person for me. Bashing the person who is not ready and staying with them is a contradiction. You’re basically placing yourself in line for the heartbreak and expecting unrealistic things to happen.
I saw this picture on my Facebook timeline a few days ago…..
The answer is no. What is love? My mother told me as a little girl that love is the unselfish concern for the well-being of others.
Love does not abuse itself. It’s not a question of the amount of love. It’s a question of are you ignorant enough to wait. Women and men wait around for years thinking that their presence will force this person to become “ready”. What exactly are we waiting for?
A person never truly arrives at the point of perfection. However, there is a place that they must arrive at for a relationship to work. What we see in today’s culture is this idea of two broken people trying to create a relationship that is whole.
Song of Solomon 2:7 (MSG): Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe — and you’re ready.
Those last three words… “and you’re ready”. Many times we believe that because WE are ready that the other person must be ready as well. However, all you have to do is look at the fruit that the person produces.
Matthew 2:29 famously says that we are to “love our neighbor as we love ourselves”. You can’t love someone else if you don’t value your own heart. I was trying to love from the outside in. That’s why I stayed with him when I should have left. I thought that love was loving him and neglecting the fact that I was wasting my time. I thought that it was LOVE. I thought that my LOVE was the reason why I was staying. However, that wasn’t LOVE.
It was not love. I had to repeat that to myself until I became free. Free from the fact that I wanted to deny that I was wasting my time. I tried to cover it up by saying that I was what HE needed in order to become the man God desired him to be. I covered it up with spiritual “isms” as a reason for me staying. Isn’t that what we do? We come up with excuses for why we abuse our heart.
You don’t have to be someone’s partner for them to mature in life. They should want to do that within themselves.
We actually want to the “change agent”. We love feeling like superman/superwoman. We want to come in and save the day with our capes. We want to be able to say that WE changed them. The crazy thing is that change is an internal process that starts with the heart. The heart itself must start the change. That change comes with maturity and wanting to do better for themselves. Some people do not want to change. Again, you should not bash them for not changing. I have to point that out again. Many women and men bash their mates because they don’t want to change. The door is always open for you to leave. This is why we don’t marry until both parties have reached a level of maturity. However, when we discredit maturity and jump into the bed of love in ignorance, we open the door for a wrecked relationship. We become impatient with the one we have linked with. For what reason? I was impatient. I was crying. I was broken.
The door was open the entire time. I finally picked up my heart and left. I loved who I was becoming and I wouldn’t wait until someone saw that.
- I will not allow you to lie to me about being ready for a relationship.
- I will not allow you to abuse my heart and take it on a road that leads no where.
- I will not allow you to believe that how you operate is actually love.
When you stay with someone like this, you enable them. By staying, you only hurt yourself. I had enough stitches. God is love. He wouldn’t put me in this kind of relationship. I did. I picked this person and wanted God to seal this everlasting love. I thought that my spirituality would improve the situation. However, you can’t pimp God out for your own selfish reasons.
God did not send me this man to change him. His own fruit revealed that God was not leading his heart. That was HIS decision. You need to look at the fruit of the person. Talk is cheap and talk is not love. Love is an action word. God led me to change ME.
That is why I left because I loved him enough. I loved him enough to leave.