Many churches teach their singles that fornication is wrong and that you shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage. While this is great, not teaching them what they SHOULD be doing, is also just as bad. When you take something out, you must replace it or what was taken out will come back. Sin is human nature and so we must replace this desire for sin with alternatives. This post is especially for those of you who are couples. However, this list can apply to singles as well. These are ideas that you can incorporate. I would suggest to singles to get a friend who is the same sex as you (female & female/male & male) to be your activity partner. The reason why many singles are having sex is because they don’t place their attention anywhere else but instead cultivate it by letting it fester. As a single that is now entering the relationship phase, I wanted to give some tips that has helped me.

  1. Start a Goal and set nights to work on those goals
    1. I think talking to that special person in your life about what they want to achieve is extremely important. Being that accountability partner for them in their journey is vital. It also shows that you care about their interests and what God has placed on the inside of them. Take out time during the week to do a vision board night, business discussion, ect. You can talk about your goals if you are in corporate or if you own a business. If you desire to lose weight or obtain a degree, talk about them and see if you can help them. Also, look out for that person you are growing with. If you find an article, a resource, or a person that has knowledge that they may need, provide it to them. Some goals are individual and some can be labeled as a group goal.
  2. Pick A Book & Start Your Own Couples Book Club
    1. Try to pick books based on your spiritual walk, career goals, or just books that interest you. If you are going to read a fiction book, make sure it is wholesome and does not steer you into thinking about subjects like sex (pursuing sin), tons of profanity (the power of your words), or focused on vain living (the quality of your life).
  3. Stop Being Alone in Private Places
    1. You’re setting yourself up on purpose. People are not stupid. You already know what your flesh desires and what many singles do are use the “it just happened” trick. Nothing “just happens”. Many times we underestimate our flesh and the doors that we open for the enemy. If you’re going to be alone, make sure it’s in public. Do not go over each other’s homes by yourself for a long period of time where you may find yourself “sleepy” or “crashing for the night”. It’s not that I’m acting religious. It’s that I don’t want to give my flesh the opportunity to even consider doing something wrong. This is also where singles who are on the road to marriage try to act like married couples. You can get to be alone with her/him in private once you get married. We have to leave some things to the marriage side. Since you’re not “one” as of yet, embrace being in public. I wish more singles could appreciate the single life and being in public even with someone that God has ordained for you. You glorify God in public more as a single than in private where temptation can spring up.
  4. Get Creative & Get Active
    1. There are always things like cooking classes, paint activities, and shows that you can find discounted on deal sites. Also, try going to the gym together or hitting the park. For the Holidays, consider volunteering at the soup kitchen, food bank, or shelter. If you’re up for it, try entering a marathon or a walk that supports a cause. I truly believe that whoever you are with, they should be a giver. If they don’t have a heart for others, their heart will remain limited to showering love on you. God desires for us to be givers in all that we say and do!
  5. Set Boundaries and Address the Weak Points
    1. Everyone is an adult. It is time that we address to one another where we fall short so that we are aware of how to COVER that person. For some people, a kiss turns them ALL the way on. So maybe for you as a couple, keep the kisses at minimum. You need to honor people’s boundaries and the spaces in which they need. You must also address the weak points. You don’t have to struggle alone. That’s what that other person is there for. This is why accountability is so important because it let’s that other person know that you care too much for them to stay how they are. If a person can’t admit where they fall and what areas are weak, they can never become strong. Remember that you want to have a relationship that honors God and that encourages others that it’s possible to live right and please God. However, you won’t be able to make it if you aren’t willing to have someone hold you accountable to God’s word. Don’t make excuses for your weak points. Let God come into where you are weak and strengthen you. Allow the other person to be someone to help you in this process.

The one thing I have to end on is something that singles must understand: being content. Right now, in my season of being single and also being pursued by someone, I’m learning how to be content. In this lifestyle of being content, I’ve learned that I don’t need all of the fairy tale “fluff” to make me understand love. Love is God and God is Love. Why am I saying this? Some of us, due to our past and other’s words, think that our romance with another can grow by being physically intimate. I’m finally understanding the final reason for why sex was created in the confines of marriage. The bible says that the man becomes “one” with his wife. The bible also says that a man must love his wife like christ loves the “church”, which represents the body as “one”. Sex celebrates the “one-ness” of two beings surrounded by covenant and God’s ordained will in marriage. This is why marrying the right one is so important. Never allow sex to cloud what God is trying to do. I do know that temptation comes but don’t flare up the moments of temptation by your own actions and selfish desires. Some of us are tempted almost daily because of what we listen to, see, and take in our spirit man. Don’t make your temptations a daily meal. You will ruin your perception of love and self-worth. Stay focused on the cross! Jesus loves us so much that He died on the cross for us! As a single that has temptations, I think about the cross and my commitment that I’ve made to my Father. When I feel my temptations rising, I place my mind on God. I begin to fill my ears with Worship Music and begin to pray because I will not allow this walk to be fruitless. If you really pray, you can make it! I’m not talking about your McDonalds Happy Meal Prayers. If you cry out to God about those sexual temptations and God helping you to focus, then He will strengthen you. However, if you pray but then surround yourself by that temptation on a daily basis, you will make the job harder. God is saying I am all that you need and soon I will provide you with someone who can love you here on earth as well. That’s how amazing God is. He gives us a double portion of His love!

So stop making excuses of how it is hard to stay pure. You will stay pure if you want to stay pure!

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